A warm, comforting embrace after a difficult day.
Your significant other reminding you that “you can do it” when you’re feeling defeated.
When your dad takes a day out of his busy schedule to spend a day at the park with you.
A little gift from your friend just because they were thinking of you.
When you come home from work dead tired and someone has already washed the dirty dishes that were cluttering the kitchen sink for you.
Love may be a universal concept, but there are countless ways to express it and receive it.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, you may be starting to stress about what gifts to get for that special someone or what activities you should do together to make the romantic day extra special.
To plan the perfect day for your loved one and effectively express how much they mean to you, first and foremost, you need to know which of the five love languages they speak.
Where They Came From—5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
The concept of the 5 love languages stemmed from a man named Gary Chapman, an American author and pastor who often counselled couples on their relationships.
After counselling couples for some time, Chapman began to pick up on patterns he noticed that were affecting their relationships. He saw a clear and common disconnect due to miscommunication between couples—They were misunderstanding their partner’s needs.
He believed that few of us know how to love in ways that are truly meaningful to our loved ones. Because of this, he wanted to help give others the confidence they needed to connect profoundly with the ones they care for.
This is how he began to formulate the idea of 5 love languages, or the ways that people in relationships express their love to their partners.
By teaching others what he had learned through experience about the love language concepts, he hoped that it would allow them to love better and grow closer to their partners.
In 1992, Chapman published his book 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
This book quickly gained popularity, selling over 20 million copies and counting and topping various best-seller lists—It has also been on the New York Times bestsellers list since 2007.
What are the 5 Love Languages?
According to Chapman, there are 5 love languages. Your love language is the one that makes you feel the most loved.
However, because each person’s love language is unique to them, a couple may have different love languages.
If you are not aware of the other person’s love language, you may not be communicating your love for them in a way that they can truly understand or appreciate.
Learning about your partner’s love language allows you to better meet their needs and show them how much you value them in a way that resonates with them.
1. Words of Affirmation
If your love language is words of affirmation, you feel the most loved and appreciated when your partner expresses their love for you verbally.
Whether this is in the form of a love letter, a random compliment, words of encouragement, or a sweet text message, you want your partner to spell out their love for you.
2. Acts of Service
People whose love language is acts of service tend to believe that actions speak louder than words.
They feel the most loved and appreciated when their partner performs acts of service for them such as volunteering to make dinner, helping with the laundry, and picking up the toothpaste they forgot to get at the store.
3. Physical Touch
A person whose love language is primarily physical touch feels the most loved and appreciated when they receive physical affection such as cuddles, a massage, a hug, kisses, physical intimacy, stroking their hair, or holding hands.
For them, quite literally, closeness and connection go hand in hand.
4. Quality Time
For these people, spending time with their significant other is what makes them feel the most loved and appreciated. They feel connected to their partner when they are experiencing things together and living in the moment.
Additionally, they want their partner’s undivided attention during the time that they spend together. For example, they want to limit distractions such as texting during a romantic dinner at a restaurant so that they feel that their significant other is fully present and entirely focused on them.
5. Receiving Gifts
People with the love language of receiving gifts feel most loved and appreciated when their significant other gives them gifts.
This isn’t necessarily because of the gift itself, but rather the meaning of the gift, as well as the thought and effort that went into it.
People with this love language often associate love and connection with thoughtfulness and how well they feel that their partner knows them.
What Is Your Love Language? Take a 5 Love Languages Quiz Online
Still not sure about what you or your partner’s love language is?
You can take a quiz online to find out what your love languages are.
Click here to take Gary Chapman’s official 5 love languages quiz.